i dunno how to say

dunno how it feel
dunno how true it is

dunno whu u are.


a split personality.
very hard to imagine.



u nv give me a chance to see the true U.
u acted as if u care for me.

say u will always by my side.


FAKE
cz u say this to every gals..

UNFORGIVE-ABLE.


is this wat others call as "FLIRT"?
or this is really how u behave,
or how guys be?


IT IS.
really is.


i have no comments for u now.


i juz cant stand u talking to gals.
mabbe i m jealous.

i dunno.



but i will try my best to SHUT my eyes whenever u are around.
even if u are alone,
or wif ur gals.


i really hate to see u.
but the more i hate,
the more i miss u.

i told myself not to talk to u.
however when u ask me que,
i will ans your ans immediately.

i said i will leave ur world,
but i m one step towards u.

i wish i can forget all this,
but my memories seems to stay forever.


is this wat the others call love?

i dunno.


but i hope it is NOT.
NEVER.


it is all my fault for falling in love.

i m willing to bear the concequences.

i deserve it.
serve me right.
i simply SUX.

i dont like you,
cause i love you <3

i dont want you,
cause i need you.



i wouldnt cry fr you,
cause i will die for you.


i wont live for you,
but i will live with you.



i wouldnt do anyting
cause i will do everyting.





i chose my life,
cause you're my life

wow..
three weeks was really fast.
just one blink of eye,everything will be over.


i have done nth much this few weeks,
it's boring.

i have been so busy this week.



i heaven had a good rest.
i slept 3-4 hours a day only..
this continue for 5days..



i m exhasted.
too tired to walk anymore.


my journey wasnt a smooth one,
in fact,
it is a tough,difficult journey.



everyone thought that i was a carefree gal,
relax,
like to joke often,
play like siao.


BUT


did anyone know my true self?


hardly i guess.

NO ONE.

NOT EVEN ONE.


NOT EVEN MY BEST FRIEND.


why?
why?

tell me anyone?

it is not other ppl or my frenz's fault.
and i m not trying to blame them

it's ALL ME.
why i juz couldnt share with them?
i juz cannot bring myself to tell them my troubles.


this is ME,
i m selfish.
stupid
idiotic.

i dunno why..


all my troubles semms to have pile up to the extreme of me.
i 'm afraid i couldnt take it anymore.
and there is no one to help me.


i have always wanted to act brave.
so that my frenz wun worry abt me.


i have done it right,friends?
100 marks for me.


i shld be happy,
i have done it.

but why the more i tried to be brave,
the weaker i became?

anyone gives me a correct answer?



i have been staring at my celling everyday when i was going to slp.
i cant get to slp..
that's y i stayed until so late every night.

i have been thinking what i shld do,
accept the fact?
or
i shld juz dream of him in my heart ONLY.
not in real life.


i dun wish to imagine things to be real nowsdays.

it's all fake.
this is the world.


tell me,
wat is real?

dun ever tell me TRUE LOVE.
i believe it very much in the past,
but i have learn to be clever,
TRUE LOVE NV NV NV exisit in MY LIFE.


FAKE
LIES
only this 2 exisit in my life.

pathetic.

wat to do?
i 'll juz accept it.
i m jinx.



no one know wat i was looking for...


best in subject?
top in class?
top in whole level?
best results?


that may seems wat i always wanted.

but it were not.


i was looking for u,
but u dun seems to cum back to my life.

since this is the case,
i wil juz forget u.


promise me,
dun give me any chance to think of u,

mabbe love, is not for our age yet.
i wil let go..

yesterday was the day everyone wait for,
but it doesnt sound so wonderful at all.

everyone waited n waited n waited for this class gathering,
however,it doesnt end so perfectly as wat we excepted it.
it is quite disappointed actually..



OUR GATHERING AT FREDRICK'S HSE

everyone dressed themselves up,
discussing which formal dress or shirt shld they wear,
style their hair,
put on make up,
spike their hair.

everyone done all this for one reason.
CLASS FORMAL GATHERING.


why did everyone spend so much time on this?
why?

this is becz,
in our heart,
all of us know
that it might be the last gathering.

OR
this is already the last gathering?

i guess,
nobody noes the answer.


compass height.
is this the place that seems so near,
but actually far away from us.

after yesterday,
i bet compass height wil leave us all 2EFFUSION memories..


it was really fun yesterday.


walking around the swimming pool,
'destroying' the playground,
go IN and OUT of compass height to compass point,
called out to the guard that we wanna open the door,
monitoring the guard around us,
thinking of ways to push the guys into the pool,
playing dai di and get caught by the guard,
finding the direction to the function room,
calling me SHI FU to help to poke the chicken wings,
keep on going to the basin to wash our dirty hands,
the BBQer keep walking to the tables and give us all the food,
suaning renjie microwave-explosion hair,
laughing at aloysius PE-attire,
screaming when kaung tried to take off his shirt,
squeezing when taking photos,
chun leong acting as JAY CHOU for 30mins,
teaching fredrick how to dance Jolin song,
seeing at how fredrick tried to finish the whole plate of CHAO TA chicken wings,
playing dice wif slow poke-ALOYSIUS,
sit along the pool wif sam,aloy playing sparkles,
putting ice into kaung's clothes,
helping fredrick to take the drinks,
feeling guilty towards darren,
seeing all the chicken wings thrown into the big black plastic bag,
bu she de kaung n fredrick to leave,
the gals playing along the pool n was caught by the guard,
chaning formal to informal clothes,
and informal to formal clothes,
run away when taking STAYSHITTY photo,
and lastly,
crying away when we were leaving.




this is all the memories in my heart,
in ur heart,
in 2EFFUSION heart,
in compass height,
in NCHS.

i would like to thank fredrick here,
if it wasnt him who book the BBQ pit n the function room,
everything above WUN HAPPEN.

THANK YOU FREDRICK.
u let everything happy happen.
xie xie.

PAINTING. :-)
I JUST WISH THAT MY PARENTS N BRO ARE ALWAYS HEALTHY.
IT'S JUST SO SIMPLE.
i love SINGING! cause i'm SINGaporean.